Epilogue

I realize my "last" post "An Adventure in Living and Loving" was not very informative of what I am up to now that I am stateside again.  She here is the epilogue to that poem:

“Epilogue”

On December 10, 2012 I returned to Virginia,

Sad to leave, while knowing it was time,

Welcomed by family,

I find refuge in my old bed,

Working at Catholic Charities now,

Hoping grad school meets me on the horizon,

Only God knows where the camino will take me from here.

Thank you once again for taking the time to follow my blog, and all your support.  Words cannot express my gratitude.  If you want to stay in touch or catch up please feel free to email me, it would be a pleasure!

Lastly, the finca continues on!  If you want to follow the blogs of the current volunteers please see the following links.  They are amazing people, and I am sure you will enjoy their stories!

Allison http://allisonandthefarm.blogspot.com/
Emily http://almademisionera.blogspot.com/
Erin Lucia http://erininhondurasamissionoflove.blogspot.com/
Erin Marina http://erinatthefarmofthechild.blogspot.com/
Kit http://www.kitcross.blogspot.com/
Kevin Keuhl http://1kuehlblog.blogspot.com/
Kevin Mader http://kevinatthefinca.blogspot.com/
Kiddissa http://kiddissa.wordpress.com/
Laura http://honduraslaura.blogspot.com/
Sara http://lovedwithoutlimits.blogspot.com/

An Adventure in Living and Loving

In an effort to write one last "post" about my time in Honduras I decided to take a nontraditional path, poetry.

During the end of January I went on retreat with 6 of my fellow returning volunteers in DC to process our re-entry into US society.  One day we were asked to share our experience in 20 minutes.  I decided to share my tale via a poem.  There are not enough words or paragraphs in the world to tell the whole tale of my time there (even after 100 posts on this blog, I feel my tale could go on for a 100 more, but I won't bore you anymore!), but this poem seems to carry the essence of my journey.  It also happens to share the name of my blog :)

I hope you enjoy, and welcome your comments/ questions/ and snaps...

“An Adventure in Living and Loving”

Four years past,

A call to serve burns inside,

Invitation offered,

A yes! in reply;

Finca del Niño,

11 interconnected homes on the Northern coast of Honduras,

Sharing two sites, one clinic, one bodega, one school, one chapel,

United by a single mission based in God’s great love,

Franciscan Sisters, Honduran Parents and Tías, a Venezuelan Director, and local employees,

Work together with the international volunteers,

To serve, care, and protect,

For our forty-five amazing children and teens;

Year one, serve as special education teacher, swim instructor, and ballet teacher,

Also then as substitute for all, middle school math teacher, special friend time three (plus),

Year two, move to Ceiba to become caretaker of teenage girls,

Starting a cookie business in the process;

Long days and struggles,

Are met with joyous moments of grace,

Magdalena’s school fits diminish,

As her confidence level and love for reading increase,

Marina, Nolvia, and Nelly’s eye rolling remains constant,

As Twilight, apple bread, and Maria Goretti bring us closer together,

The struggles never cease,

While the joys and graces never fail to inspire and fuel my heart,

A twenty-eight month adventure in living and loving,

In gratitude for God’s great love,

In gratitude for the opportunity to serve this mission,

Forever bonded in heart and prayer.

Finca Novena Part 10 of 10- A Pure Heart

This is the ninth and last of my reflections on the different lines of the finca prayer, a prayer we pray daily here at the farm. To see the idea behind this series of reflections please see this previous blog (http://mkatthefinca.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-finca-prayer-novena-part-1-of-10.html).

"a pure heart like Mary's which seeks to love and serve God alone"

Everyday we pray the finca prayer, and everyday we close our intentions praying for purity of heart, seeking simply to love and serve God in all that we do.  Everyday we strive for this purity of heart, and everyday we fail in some form.

This week, I was reminded not of failures, but rather of the abundant pure hearts that accompany us along our time at the farm.  Those of our children, our house parents, our volunteers, and our staff.  How we are constantly witness to amazing examples of pure incredible hearts all around us.

We witness Rony's joy to win the simple box game in a Spiderman coloring book.

We witness Jose Pator's joy to watch a video of his sister sending warm wishes on a tiny camera screen.

We witness Hildebrando's joy to share a hug with any person he knows is safe.

We witness Elena's joy to dance like a little bunny.

We witness Seidy's joy to dance like a magical fairy.

We witness Wilmer's joy to celebrate his birthday with all.

We witness Jonah's joy to win a game of uno.

We witness Allison's joy to turn the page on the calendar in the bathroom.

We witness Kimberly's joy to simply see Nils nearby.

We witness Luz's joy to color with Alisha.

We witness Cati's joy for every second she gets to spend with Jennie.

We witness Father Gilberto's joy to celebrate mass and pray the finca prayer.

This Thanksgiving Thursday, as we give thanks via a meal for sixty plus friends of the farm along with its residents (and pie for the kids), I give special thanks for all the amazing pure hearts that have shared in my time here at the farm.  For every last one I am eternally grateful.

Finca Novena Part 9 of 10- A Holy Heart

This is the eighth of my reflections on the different lines of the finca prayer, a prayer we pray daily here at the farm. To see the idea behind this series of reflections please see this previous blog (http://mkatthefinca.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-finca-prayer-novena-part-1-of-10.html).

"a holy heart whose only desire is that God may be known and loved by everyone"

A vibe.

A sense.

Un ambiente.

Many words for an indescribable notion in one's heart that something more is present in a situation.

The Farm of the Child has this.  A vibe that you walk along special sacred ground.   This is made possible by the many amazing people that have passed through the grounds.  Their amazing examples of hope and care leave indelible marks that touch one's heart.

This is not to say that one does not face many challenges, one will, daily; but rather that there is a deeper sense of Havel-eque hope and care that surrounds one at all times.  

This week I had the great pleasure of visiting one of the people I believe to be a true embodiment of this deep sacred feeling, Magdalena.  Magdalena is a girl who used to live on the farm.  She was my all star student for my first year in Honduras.  She has special needs academically and socially, and a heart of pure gold.  She was moved in July to a home in central Honduras where her growing needs will be better met as she continues to grow and mature.  

At her send-off party at the farm she asked me two things, to pray for her and to visit her.  I pray for her daily, and this week had the chance to visit her at last.  Our visit was magical.  She is doing incredibly well at her new home, and we were both over the moon simply to spend two days together.  Her joy for life and deep sense of care for all around her inspires one's heart on levels previously unknown.  

After making videos and cards for her siblings, watching "Babe", dancing, and playing soccer with her housemates and caretakers it was time to say good bye.  She gave me a hug and calmly asked me if I loved her.  I told her that I love her more than she could imagine.  She told me that she loved me too, and we went our separate ways, until we are able to meet again.

Every day at the farm we pray the finca prayer.  Magdalena lives the finca prayer.  Her holy heart, at the young age of 12 asked not for toys or clothes but for prayers and love.  Sure she loves sparkles and stickers, but in the moments that count, she asks for prayers and love.  

I pray daily for Magdalena, and that my heart may grow daily following her incredible example.

Finca Novena Part 8 of 10- A Prayerful Heart

This is the seventh of my reflections on the different lines of the finca prayer, a prayer we pray daily here at the farm. To see the idea behind this series of reflections please see this previous blog (http://mkatthefinca.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-finca-prayer-novena-part-1-of-10.html)

"a prayerful heart that loves to be in communion with you"

My current role, caretaker of the teenage girls.

My role next week, retired finca volunteer enjoying her last two weeks in Honduras.

My role next month, stateside former finca volunteer that supports the farm in prayer and spirit.

A pillar here at the farm is community, being present in communion with one's community.  I am currently a torn soul in this department.  

I want to enjoy every last second with my teens here in La Ceiba, as my heart breaks as I think of not being with them every day.

I want to be retired, as I recognize my tired nature, and the need for new energized people here in the city.  Recognizing Sara and David as amazing souls who will do great things here.  

I want to see my stateside family and friends again.  Not simply running around for two weeks having dinner, but truly being present to them as well.

I want all three, but I cannot have all three, I physically can only have one at a time.  This is heartbreaking.

The finca prayer saves the day again, for in prayer, I can be in true communion with all three.  In prayer my current weak nature is made strong and I am able to be present  and intentional with all three intentions.  What a glorious and merciful mystery.

Finca Novena Part 7 of 10- A Heart Full of Love

This is the sixth of my reflections on the different lines of the finca prayer, a prayer we pray daily here at the farm. To see the idea behind this series of reflections please see this previous blog (http://mkatthefinca.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-finca-prayer-novena-part-1-of-10.html).

"a heart full of love that finds happiness in suffering with others"

Caution, the finca prayer is not masochistic. It does not take pleasure in suffering, nor call us to do so.  This prayer has many parts, and all must be kept in mind while praying it.  

That said, it does call us to aim for a new level of joy.  It calls us to open our hearts so fully to the abundant love around us that even when we feel we are suffering we remain joyful due to the overflowing love that fills our hearts.

This may seem like a Nirvana like state that we will work towards always, never reaching its fulfillment in a world so full of issues, in a country so plagued by injustice.  This is an "adult" take on the intention.  This is the prayer of the farm of the CHILD, not the farm of adults.  Thinking of our children, this seems about spot on.

Watch Cati dance until her soul is content.

Watch Nolvia's face light up as she learns we are ordering Chinese for dinner.

Watch Marina's face as we watch "Twilight" and the way Edward helps renew her belief in love amidst the dramas of high school life.  

Watch Nelly's eyes light up when she gets to talk to her sisters in Mexico on skype.

Watch Arturo sing along to his nighttime ranchero music.

Watch Carlos' face light up as he tells you how his soccer game went.

Watch Rony gaze in awe at his high flying kite on a breezy day.

Here you will find children who have experienced pains beyond their years in joy filled nirvanas, for they are filled with love by these seemingly simple things in such an intense manner that whatever sufferings have passed, and whatever comes in the future no longer matters.  They, for a brief moment, see the grace that is present always with clear unclouded vision.  They allow their hearts to be so filled with love that joy reigns overall that comes their way.

We daily pray that we can also find a way to open our hearts so fully to the love around us, that joy will reign even during the most trying times, recognizing always the wisdom and beauty of our children's hearts.

Finca Novena Part 6 of 10- A Heart Poor in Spirit

This is the fifth of my reflections on the different lines of the finca prayer, a prayer we pray daily here at the farm. To see the idea behind this series of reflections please see this previous blog (http://mkatthefinca.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-finca-prayer-novena-part-1-of-10.html).

"a heart poor in spirit detached from the things of this world"

As I write this on October 27, I am officially nine days away from the arrival of Sara and David in La Ceiba (our replacements).  I am starting to mentally organize things for when I pack Sunday and start to live out of a suitcase for a bit.  I am starting to figure out what to leave, to whom, and what to keep.

I thought this would be hard looking ahead, packing to leave Honduras.  Packing is cake.  Packing is a physical motion and movement of stuff.

This week in the finca novena we are asked to reflect on being a person "poor in spirit, detached from the things of this world".  It is the spirits that form the finca family that are heartbreaking to leave.  It is the people in the farm family and their amazing spirits that I have become truly attached to.

I remain a big fan of my running sneakers, prescription sunglasses, and the occasional delicious iced coffee; so I am in no way claiming to be "detached to the things of this world".  I am saying rather that the children, house parents, volunteers, Franciscan sisters, and all who support and participate in the farm in whatever form have inspired me to see beyond the physical.  To see that while we face a physical reality daily, and will continue to face this the rest of our days, that if you take the time everyday to focus more on the spiritual, one's heart reaches a new level of peace.

These spirits have taught me so much, and have transformed my heart.  The thought of not seeing their incredible faces every day is what breaks my heart as our departure date from the farm looms closer and closer.

The finca prayer is not prayed to remind us of why our hearts ache, it is written to nourish and inspire us in our daily lives; and so it does.  For in the same way the amazing finca family has inspired me beyond comprehension, it has also taught me that while my physical reality is about to change, the spiritual connection remains.  The relationships formed remain.

I will continue to sincerely pray the finca prayer well beyond my time in Honduras, and the most beautiful thing is that my beloved finca family continues to pray this beautiful prayer as well.  It is precisely there, in the finca prayer, that our spirits will remain in communion with one another.

Finca Prayer Novena Part 5 of 10- A Peaceful Heart

This is the fourth of my reflections on the different lines of the finca prayer, a prayer we pray daily here at the farm. To see the idea behind this series of reflections please see this previous blog (http://mkatthefinca.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-finca-prayer-novena-part-1-of-10.html).

"a peaceful heart at peace with self and others"

Irrationally confused and frustrated, that is where I spent the first half of this week of the novena.  

I had visions of how I would close my time in La Ceiba.  They do not begin to approach my reality.  My picturesque, relaxed vision of fun nights with the girls and coffee with Janet and Shea is not my reality.  Rather these visions prove the minority of my time.  These moments carried me through the mind numbing paper work and once again depressing job search for the girls. 

Fate was kind and sent us Sor Chrristiam to watch the kids, while Nils and I attended the annual "orientation retreat" with the new and current volunteers.  I needed to get away and clear my head, so this could not have come at a better time.

As soon as I got outside the city and entered the finca, I instantly felt calmer.  As my special friend Brando, the cutest 10 year old alive, gave me a hug, all my worries and false expectations seemed to melt away.  Then as we revisited the pillars of the finca and reflected on retreat I realized that I really needed to start listening to this novena.  

"A peaceful heart at peace with self and others" was the intention of the week.  The intention was not "a heart frustrated with reality" or "a heart disappointed in what is left to do".  The intention was "a peaceful heart at peace with self and others".

I have prayed this every day for two years.  I have struggled with this every day internally for two years.  Over achievement and perfection calm me, accepting my limits does not.  Here in Honduras, my limits confront me daily.

After two years of being humbled daily, I am finally learning what it means to be at peace with self and others.  It means to accept where you and all those around you are each moment, to recognize that this is exactly where you are supposed to be, and to find joy and hope in all the amazing places you and others can go from there.

This does not mean we will not get lost or off path.  It means that we must find peace with our human nature, and try our best daily.  This acceptance must be for both ourselves and those around us.  This is not easy.  In fact I am sure it will challenge me always.

This is why the finca prayer is so amazing.  It calls us to recognize this reality daily and ask for God's help in the process, knowing that we cannot achieve this peace on our own.  What amazing wisdom and grace offered to us daily here at the farm.

Finca Prayer Novena Part 4 of 10- A Patient Heart

This is the third of my reflections on the different lines of the finca prayer, a prayer we pray daily here at the farm. To see the idea behind this series of reflections please see this previous blog (http://mkatthefinca.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-finca-prayer-novena-part-1-of-10.html).

"a patient heart happy in the most trying circumstance"

Prayer is powerful. I remember reading a reflection by Father Ted Hesburgh, CSC one time in which he discussed the serious nature of our petitions in prayer. He explained that the bravest prayer he knows is simply –come holy spirit-, for if prayed in earnest it is an expression of complete openness to whatever God sends your way.

This week in our novena we prayed for a patient heart, happy in the most trying circumstances. God listened. He handed Nils and I truly trying circumstances, and just enough patience to make it through each one.

He handed us news about continued frutsrations with communicaction abilities within Honduras. He also granted us farm social worker and future Ceiba caretaker David, who promised to work on improving the situation even after Nils and I leave.

He handed us a budget to form in two weeks, along with lingering questions about what costs our program plans to meet next year. He also granted us kind and patient Erin Lucia (accountant at the farm), who continues to work with us through each step.

He handed us news that due to vacation schedules, Nils and I would now prove solely responsible for the implementation of several important plans for our teens in our last days as their caretakers. He also granted us a visit from Amanda and Deirdre for the weekend, with their kind ears, caring hearts, and joyful laughter. Then he then gave us brownies just to make sure we would make it through.

God taught us a lesson this week. He heard our plea and answered fully. He granted us truly trying circumstances and just enough patience to face them all. He cared for us, and also allowed us to feel in our bones how important a patient heart truly is.
Hard times and trial will continue on the farm and wherever life takes us from here. We will remain human. We therefore must daily pray in a truly sincere manner that God will continue to bless our hearts with patience.

Teddy Wins! Teddy Wins! Teddy Wins!

While life at the finca is beautiful and grace filled, opportunities for frustration and exhaustion of body and mind are also readily available and present on a normal basis. Recently I was having a rather long day. Nothing was working out as I planned, as per usual. I decided to take a break. So I met Scott Satterlee for a coffee at a little coffee shop in downtown La Ceiba. He happened to have his laptop with him, and the café had wifi, so I took a moment to briefly check my email. I received an email saying I was tagged in a picture on facebook, so I logged in.


My simply amazing friend Marianne Zorio stood at the top of my news feed with news that would change my entire day around. First off, after a strenuous year of getting her RN at Mason in a post-bacc program she got a job as a nurse in Alexandria, so big congratulations to her. Second, the Nationals successfully finished the season with the best record in the league. Third, and most importantly, Teddy won the presidents race during the 4th inning stretch of their last home game of the regular season.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Nationals, every 4th inning stretch there is an epic race of giant bobble head versions of George Washington, Abe Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, and Teddy Roosevelt from the bull pen towards home plate. The Nationals came to DC when I was a junior in high school, I turn 25 in January, and Teddy has never won. Ever.

While many might have lost hope after a seven year dry spell, Teddy did not. Teddy raced ever game. And finally, he won. I was very excited for my friend Marianne’s new job, very excited for my baseball team’s great season, but in all honesty, I was most excited about Teddy’s win. It gave me a new energy and a renewed sense of hope for the day.

I now simply say thank you and congratulations to my amazing friend Marianne and my favorite Nationals bobble head Teddy, for brightening my day and granting me hope during a time of frustration.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvJfIV6nK9s

Editors Note: I do realize the fact that the race is highly rigged, it simply is beside the point in this situation :)

Denise was right, Welcome to the world Elias!

Two and a half years ago I got a phone call form Katherine King, a member of the board of directors of the Farm, offering me a position as a volunteer at the finca. I still remembering silencing her call in class and then calling back casually as I walked into my room in Lyons hall at Notre Dame. I was sure it was a rejection, and was ready to accept an offer with the Holy Cross Program in Chile. Then she turned my world upside down and told me I had been accepted.


I could not believe it. I got in to the program of my dreams, it couldn´t be. Being myself I immediately looked for my friends, they could help me process this and figure out what to do. Everyone, and I wish I was exaggerating, was in class, not around, and or not answering their phones. So I went to my dorm´s rectress and confidant of 4 years Denise.

I told her my perplexing situation. I knew I loved the farm, but I also knew it would be a challenge, as would Chile. I simply wanted someone else to make this grand decision for me. Denise, in true form, sat me down in her room. She told me that from what she had heard, I had two great options. She said that Chile would be like breaking my leg. It would be very trying, but I would grow a lot. She then said that the finca would be like giving birth to a child. That it would test me even more than I could imagine, but in the end, there would personal growth as grand and beautiful as a baby. She then told me I had to choose on my own.

I remember walking to the grotto perplexed. Then after calming down a bit having the clearest thought, I didn´t want to break my leg, I wanted the baby! I had already weighed the pros and cons of both programs, but I finally knew in my heart. I walked back to my dorm, knocked on Denise´s door and informed her (much to the confusion of a freshman sitting on her couch) that I wanted the baby. She said great, call them back, so I did, and here I am in Honduras two years later.

On October 5, 2012 Denise´s analogy took on a whole new level of meaning. Fellow volunteers Rachel and Jacob Hurst came down with me and their three adorable boys Jonah, Isaac, and Ruben in October of 2010. On October 5, 2012 their fourth son Elias was born right down the street form my apartment in the city of La Ceiba. Nils and I hung out with Rachel in the week leading up to the date, ready at any moment to do whatever she and baby Elias needed. Then on the day of we watched their three boys as Jacob went with Rachel to the hospital. We got the phone call at 6 pm, and got to tell the boys they had a new baby brother.

The next day we got to visit Rachel and baby Elias. He is simply the cutest little infant you could imagine. My heart filed with joy as I watch Jacob tickle his tiny feet, while Rachel held him with such love. I could not help but think of Denise, and how grateful I was to have had the opportunity to share in not only this moment with Elias, but all the moments of the past two years. The child birth like road over the past two years has proven tiring, but in the end the graces are proving undeniably amazing.

I simply wish to say thank you to Denise for giving me the push I needed to make the choice I knew was right in my heart, and welcome to the world Elias Hurst, it is a pleasure to meet you at last!

Finca Prayer Novena Part 3 of 10- A Meek Heart

This is the second of my reflections on the different lines of the finca prayer, a prayer we recite daily here at the farm. To see the idea behind this series of reflections please see this previous blog (http://mkatthefinca.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-finca-prayer-novena-part-1-of-10.html).

"a meek heart that bears with everyone"

Oxford American Dictionary, kindle edition, defines meek as- quiet, gentle, and easily imposed upon, submissive. If you read further it tells you that its middle English origin is –courteous.

The finca prayer is not asking for a submissive heart. In no way. It is asking for a courteous heart that not only bears with all, but rather recognizes the divine presence in each person they encounter. Then in respect, love and awe of this divine presence treats them in a deep seeded and purely courteous nature. This is what the finca prayer asks for our hearts.

Treating both out neighbors and our enemies with love may appear a basic Christian principle to follow. I assure you, a meek heart that bears with all is a specific intention essential to life at the farm.

When:
• Hormonal teens find refuge in refusing to acknowledge your existence and blaming you for all the wrong in the world
• Your gringa status proves the comical relief and reasoning for many outside your own home to treat you like a joke.
• The men on the streets believe it is their right to belittle you with crude words and comments based on what their machismo ruled society has taught them
All before 9 AM, most days, you learn quickly how important a meek heart truly is.

A meek heart that bears with all is a means of asking God to help us reach new levels of grace in our daily interactions.

We ask God to allow us to never loose perspective and remain ever focused on the divine present in all. We further ask that we may in turn receive this divine presence in a courteous manner no matter whom we encounter and how they treat us.

At the finca we bear with all by necessity everyday. Our prayer is that we may meekly do so not out of necessity but rather out of love. Always remembering Thomas Merton´s wise words, that the desire to please God does indeed please him, we walk forward with the desire to meekly bear with whomever we encounter in the road ahead.

Welcome Newbies!

On September 28, 2012 we had 5 very special guests stay at the apartments, the new volunteer missionaries of the finca (lovingly know in our community as newbies)! We welcomed Kevin, Kiddissa, Emily, Katherine, and Laura with spaghetti dinner and coca cola, it was very fancy.


During the weekend we got to hang out with them, help them find whatever they needed for the farm, answer questions, and get to know them just a little before they headed out for their grand arrival at the farm. It was simply a pleasure to hear their questions and learn about how they ended up at the farm.

They are currently shadowing jobs and beginning their training on the farm. Please keep them in your prayers as they begin to make the finca their new home.

Finca Prayer Novena Part 2 of 10- A Humble Heart

This is the first of my reflections on the different lines of the finca prayer, a prayer we recite daily here at the farm. To see the idea behind this series of reflections please see this previous blog (http://mkatthefinca.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-finca-prayer-novena-part-1-of-10.html).

“a humble heart free of the desire of being esteemed”

Life is humbling. Life in Honduras is extremely humbling.

In my life in the states when it was hot, I turned on the air conditioning. When it was cold I turned on the heat. When it rained, advanced plumbing drained the water away. In Honduras the heat can suck all the energy out of even the most energetic people. Relative cold times leave many without means chilled and ill. Rain falls and sits until the sun dries it up or rivers find new space to wipe it away. Rivers care not if you require the use of a road in its path, you simply must wait.

Nature humbles me daily in Honduras.

In the states people think a lot about five year plans, retirement funds, degrees, and career goals. In Honduras people think a lot about getting food to feed their children lunch, finding work to support their family, and making sure their loved ones all have a roof to sleep under at night. The future and security blankets are still important, but todays needs are primary. I have never worried if there would be food on my plate or a roof over my head, ever. Despite this I find that I still worry far more about life than any Honduran I know.

The deep faith and present nature of Hondurans humbles my heart daily.

The children of the farm have all faced unimaginable circumstances, most before the age of seven. Yet they wake up every day with a sustained energy for living. They continue to walk along their life´s path incredibly managing to trust and love others in their own way, despite their pasts. Our teens live in a city of problems, where the odds are against them. Yet they wake every day and try their best to make an honest living of their life. Meanwhile I still struggle with trusting and loving fully, facing moments of hesitation daily; and my past does not even begin to approach what these children have faced.

The children and teens of the farm humble my heart daily.

Yet the finca prayer asks for more. The finca prayer asks for a more profound sense of humility. It asks God that beyond our humbling environment, neighbors, and finca family that we may have a heart so purely humble that we may be free of the mere desire of being esteemed. We ask to become humble instruments of God´s peace.

This is a truly profound prayer that goes against our very human nature. It calls us to focus on the divine, a call that we will struggle with throughout our entire lives.  We are further called to find a peace within this struggle. As Thomas Merton says, we are called to believe that the simple desire to please God does indeed please him and that as humans we can do no more.

We therefore seek to please God every day at the farm through means of a humble heart in constant service to the amazing children of the farm, and committed to the intentions of the finca's prayer.

The Finca Prayer Novena (Part 1 of 10)

At the farm we pray a lot.  It is a catholic orphanage run in part by Franciscan sisters, hence we pray quite often.  The quiet time amid the craziness of daily events and the regularity it brings to our days is rather calming.  One prayer we say every morning is the Prayer of the Farm. 

Daily Finca Prayer

Lord Jesus, protector of orphans and all who depend on you, as we begin this day we turn our hearts towards you. We give thanks for the gift of your great love and for the chance to serve you in all that we do today.

We ask that your grace and mercy be poured out on our beloved Farm of the Child, on our children, on our house parents, on our Franciscan sisters, on our volunteers past, present, and future, on our board members, on our support personnel, on our benefactors, and on all whom we serve in Honduras through our various ministries.

As a member of this community entrusted with maintaining, protecting and strengthening this mission, I ask for the following in order to better carry out my responsibilities:

A humble heart free from the desire of being esteemed,

A meek heart that bears with everyone,

A patient heart happy in the most trying circumstance,

A peaceful heart at peace with self and others,

A heart poor in spirit detached from the things of this world,

A heart full of love that finds happiness in suffering with others,

A prayerful heart that loves to be in communion with you,

A holy heart whose only desire is that God may be known and loved by everyone,

A pure heart like Mary’s which seeks to love and serve God alone.

May we as a community be one in heart and mind so that we may help to bring about the Kingdom of God through your mission, Farm of the Child.

Amen.

Let us seek Mary’s intercession by reciting one Hail Mary.

This is truly a beautiful prayer, and also said so often that proves easy to get lost in its daily recitation. As a community, the finca is entering a time in which it is easy to become lost as well. Kids are finishing up their school year, New volunteers are about to arrive, ¨middies¨ are entering their second year and job adjustments, oldies like myself are facing a fast approaching departure date from the farm and reentry to the states, all are facing transitions in their own ways. Transition, just like a prayer recited daily at 6 AM prayer services, is an easy time to loose oneself as well.

In an effort to not get lost in either during my last few months at the farm, I came up with an idea. Maybe all of us serving at the farm should take a step back and really listen to each line of the finca prayer in an intentional manner, and these reflections could in turn ground us and help us remain present within the finca during these times of change. Then as we enter the last week of this time of transition, the week in which my class says farewell, we may truly enter it ¨one in heart and mind¨ as the finca prayer says.

I shared this with Allison, our volunteer coordinator, she (being her normal amazing and always supportive self) said that it not only sounded good, that we would do it together as a volunteer community. So we are. My personal plan within this is that each week I will publish a short reflection on the line we focused on the previous week (so please feel free to call me out if I get behind!). I hope you enjoy them.



A Calm Starry Night

Every year in mid September all the volunteers of the farm take a four day retreat. It provides a space to refocus and recharge before the crazy time of transition that is the fall at the farm. The ever kind house parents and tias and Franciscan sisters work extra hard for a few days to take care of the kids, so that we can take a time to reflect. This year Jacob organized our retreat. It was beautifully done, and we are all very grateful for his hard work to organize the time.


My favorite night of the retreat was when the power went out for four straight hours right at dinner time. The plan was to have intentional quiet time, and apparently the electric people wanted to share in the moment. We ate with candles and then simply went off to our own little corners at the retreat center to spend time with out thoughts. I found a little stretch of sidewalk and sat down with my journal. Then I looked up.

I looked up to see some of the most beautiful stars I have ever seen. They were glorious. Slowly, my worries about moving back to the states in December, about what the future held, about how I should spend my last few months in Honduras all slipped away for a moment.

I thought about a reflection I read while walking along the camino de Santiago during my semester in Spain in 2009. When asked why he chose to take the month long hike, a priest responded that he simply wished to walk beneath a field of dancing stars. His answer made so much sense to me in this moment. I thought of how I admired the stars after summer time swim meets as a kid, during my trips to Appalachia while at Notre Dame, on the camino de Santiago when I hiked after my semester abroad in 2009, on the farm in Trujillo whenever the power went out, and in La Ceiba whenever the stars actually decide to peak out at night. Amidst geographic relocations, the passing of time, and the changing of jobs, the stars remain ever constant in my life. I do not know exactly where I am headed after I finish at the farm in December, but I do know that the stars will never fail to accompany me on my journey, and this brings my heart great peace.

90 things in 90 days

I apologize for the long break in blogs, July proved a challenging month, and words did not seem to convey what I wanted to share. I felt a strong need to be really present here in Honduras. Then after a brief and wonderful vacation in August, the craziness that is September at the farm did not fail to arrive. In an effort to get you all back up to speed I wrote a list of 90 things that happened in the ninety days between Arturo´s confirmation in June (my last blog) and the volunteer retreat in September (my next blog). I hope you enjoy.

1. Nils went on a well deserved vacation for two and a half weeks. The Satterlees also went on vacation. I was the only adult from the finca in La Ceiba with our teens for 12 days.

2. David visited from the farm to help cover the first few days of Nils´vacation.

3. Sor Keidy went to a conference in Ecuador.

4. Jose Manuel and Julitza, kids on the farm, celebrated their birthdays in the same week.

5. I continued to sell cookies at local stores to raise funds for the farm, around 180 to be exact.

6. Scott and I went to lunch at Applebys to celebrate the 4th of July.

7. I made a traditional dinner of chips, watermelon and hot dogs for the teens on the 4th of July.

8. We celebrated the patron of our apartment's feast day July 6, the feast of Maria Goretti.

9. Tami moved back to the states to take a job as an Assistant Principal at a Catholic primary school in California. Saying goodbye was bittersweet for all.

10. 8 people form the farm (3 kids, 5 adults) visited the apartments at once on the same weekend.

11. I saw my dear friend Suyapa, former house mom of house four, at the hospital in La Ceiba while she was helping her mother.

12. I skyped called my friend Alden´s Iphone to attend my dear friend Cassidy Blair´s wedding to Dan Gerber.

13. Nils came back from vaction.

14. Nolvia, Nelly, and Carlos´ school had a festival, I won earrings at the mini bowling pin station.

15. I attended Magdalena´s epic finca wide 12th birthday party and got to spend the weekend at the farm hanging out with her and all her friends.

16. I rode in the land cruiser to Ceiba and then said farewell to my beloved Magdalena. She moved to a wonderful home for girls with special needs in Comayagua where she will be cared for and able to attend a wonderful school which can meet all her needs. It was the hardest farewell I have yet to make at the farm, but also bittersweet, knowing she was headed to a wonderful place.

17. I beat Arturo in Catan twice, and beat him and Nils in Yahtzee three times.

18. Sheena and Francesca visited Honduras!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (my friends and former vols from last year)

19. Nils and I attended the baptisms at the farm. Jose Manuel, Duncan, Kimberly, Brittani, Nahomy, Angel, Hildebrando, and neighbor Waldina´s baby Esteban were all baptized.

20. Suyapa, Rony, and their son Danni visited the farm for the baptisms as well, as the godparents of Duncan.

21. We had a finca wide dance after the baptisms that was epically fun.

22. Honduras advanced to the quarter finals of the Olympics men soccer tournament and Arturo, Marina, Nils, and I watched it live at Burger King with Scott.

23. Peter Tooher and Erin Ramsey visited the farm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (my friends and former vols) ...and I beat them both in a game of Catan.

24. I went to the states for 10 days to attend the wedding of my life long friend Angela Lankford to Braden Matthews.

25.  While on vacation I slept, snacked, and watched the olympics, all in copious amounts.

26. Also while on vacation I shocked my ballet teacher by showing up to class without her even knowing I was in the country.

27.  I saw the new Batman in IMAX with my dad (still on vacation).

28. Luz, Lily, Darwin, Sara, Harrison, and Ruben all had birthdays in a 10 day period.

29.  Chris Castro, Annie Lauer, Sara Vogelpohl, and Dan O'shea visited Honduras!!!!!!!!!!  (former vols and good friends of our teens, Nils, and myself)

30.  Chris, Annie, Sara, and Dan took fase 2 out to pizza and the new Bourne movie in La Ceiba.

31.  They also went with us up to the mountains to spend a day on the river with all of us.

32.  To top it off they even took Nils and I out to dinner while the kids went to youth group.

33. Erin Marina and Erin Lucia celebrated their borthdays on consecutive days.

34. I cooked lunch, alot.

35. Nolvia and Marina feel in love with chocolate pudding.

36. I worked with Janet on her masters thesis and got excited about the possibility of grad school.

37. I attempted to shoot the moon in hearts (card game) more times than I can count.

38.  I actually shot the moon in hearts three times.

39.  Marina marched in Ceiba independence day parade with her school, aka she is a rock star.

40.  Nelly sung the song lyrics "un minuto de silencio te estoy pidiendo" about five million times.

41.  The new Wendy's opened up around the corner.

42.  Carlos played in a mini soccer tournament for his school.

43-88. Nils and I picked up the daily newspaper around 45 times.

89. The new generator at Wendys in combination with the other local generators created a noise beyond the scale of decibel meters whenever the power went out.

90.  Carlos, Arturo, Marina, Nolvia, Nelly, Nils, Sor Keidy, the Satterlees and myself lived 90 more days in la Ceiba, and we are all still alive and well to talk about it!

Congratulations Arturo!

 

This past Saturday one of our beloved teens, Arturo, got confirmed!  He looked very stellar with his white shirt and black tie, and Scott Satterlee stood proudly by his side as his sponsor.  His big smile after the mass was a true testament to the beauty of the day and the moment.  Afterward we celebrated with dinner at Pizza Hut with all the Phase II teens, Nils, Scott, Saul (Arturo’s older brother), Memo (Arturo’s friend), and Margine, Haydee, Harrison, David, and Luz, all visiting from the farm to support him on his big day.  He then took the giant chocolate cake I made him to his youth group that night; he wanted to share with his friends as he always does.  It was a simple yet beautiful day, one dedicated to an amazing teen, whom we now congratulate for reaching yet another milestone in life.

Finca Visit!

After a two and a half month gap due to vacations and school exams, this past week on June 21 and 22 Nils and I were able to visit the finca in Trujillo.  Sor Keidy stayed and covered as the teens all had school, and Nils and I enjoyed a little time off.  A fellow volunteer from our class, Tami, is leaving early to take a job as a vice principal at a Catholic school in California, so we wanted to take a chance to have one last day together as a volunteer class before Nils left on vacation this past Monday. 

It was a true delight to go swimming with the kids, hang out in the vol house, and simply be surrounded by beautiful nature and its harmonies.  Some of my favorite moments were morning prayer with all the kids in the chapel, getting so many hugs from old students as the school day got out, flying a kite with my little friend Rony, and swimming in the ocean with the house four boys and the ever adorable Joel and Brando. 

Two moments stood alone from these, as I realized I would most likely never forget them.  First, my dearly beloved student and friend Magdalena will soon be moved to a new home where they work with children with special needs in Comayagua, Honduras.  It sounds like a wonderful place, and they say the director is like the Honduran Mother Teresa.  As this was one of my last visits to her I took her on a little date.  We went to the little soda stand next to the farm and them came back to read Little Red Riding Hood together.  When I met her in October of 2010 she was climbing trees to avoid people and learning vowels.  We sat calmly for 20 minutes as she read me a book full of new words with ease and confidence.  My heart smiled inside.  Afterward we went around for 10 minutes to say thank you to all the people who helped us during our day, she loves doing this, and it is so sweet to watch.  The next day as I got my see you later hug she brought me a picture with a note, which she made sure I knew that she wrote all by herself.  She is a true example that little miracles and love surround us daily if we simply open our eyes to their presence.

Second, I realized for the millionth time why Tami is so amazing.  She not only made pizza with Deirdre for the entire vol community at a dinner celebrating her, she took extra time to talk with Nils and I despite the fact that she is super busy training others and getting ready to leave.  Even as we were leaving she made sure I knew I would see her in Ceiba on her way out, and told me not to worry about the sheets I left on the bunk bed I slept in above her, she would take care of them.  She took care of me even when we visited to celebrate her.  She is a true angel, and a blessing to every person who crosses her path.  She will be dearly missed, and her community in California is lucky to have her once again.