Finca Prayer Novena Part 5 of 10- A Peaceful Heart

This is the fourth of my reflections on the different lines of the finca prayer, a prayer we pray daily here at the farm. To see the idea behind this series of reflections please see this previous blog (http://mkatthefinca.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-finca-prayer-novena-part-1-of-10.html).

"a peaceful heart at peace with self and others"

Irrationally confused and frustrated, that is where I spent the first half of this week of the novena.  

I had visions of how I would close my time in La Ceiba.  They do not begin to approach my reality.  My picturesque, relaxed vision of fun nights with the girls and coffee with Janet and Shea is not my reality.  Rather these visions prove the minority of my time.  These moments carried me through the mind numbing paper work and once again depressing job search for the girls. 

Fate was kind and sent us Sor Chrristiam to watch the kids, while Nils and I attended the annual "orientation retreat" with the new and current volunteers.  I needed to get away and clear my head, so this could not have come at a better time.

As soon as I got outside the city and entered the finca, I instantly felt calmer.  As my special friend Brando, the cutest 10 year old alive, gave me a hug, all my worries and false expectations seemed to melt away.  Then as we revisited the pillars of the finca and reflected on retreat I realized that I really needed to start listening to this novena.  

"A peaceful heart at peace with self and others" was the intention of the week.  The intention was not "a heart frustrated with reality" or "a heart disappointed in what is left to do".  The intention was "a peaceful heart at peace with self and others".

I have prayed this every day for two years.  I have struggled with this every day internally for two years.  Over achievement and perfection calm me, accepting my limits does not.  Here in Honduras, my limits confront me daily.

After two years of being humbled daily, I am finally learning what it means to be at peace with self and others.  It means to accept where you and all those around you are each moment, to recognize that this is exactly where you are supposed to be, and to find joy and hope in all the amazing places you and others can go from there.

This does not mean we will not get lost or off path.  It means that we must find peace with our human nature, and try our best daily.  This acceptance must be for both ourselves and those around us.  This is not easy.  In fact I am sure it will challenge me always.

This is why the finca prayer is so amazing.  It calls us to recognize this reality daily and ask for God's help in the process, knowing that we cannot achieve this peace on our own.  What amazing wisdom and grace offered to us daily here at the farm.

Finca Prayer Novena Part 4 of 10- A Patient Heart

This is the third of my reflections on the different lines of the finca prayer, a prayer we pray daily here at the farm. To see the idea behind this series of reflections please see this previous blog (http://mkatthefinca.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-finca-prayer-novena-part-1-of-10.html).

"a patient heart happy in the most trying circumstance"

Prayer is powerful. I remember reading a reflection by Father Ted Hesburgh, CSC one time in which he discussed the serious nature of our petitions in prayer. He explained that the bravest prayer he knows is simply –come holy spirit-, for if prayed in earnest it is an expression of complete openness to whatever God sends your way.

This week in our novena we prayed for a patient heart, happy in the most trying circumstances. God listened. He handed Nils and I truly trying circumstances, and just enough patience to make it through each one.

He handed us news about continued frutsrations with communicaction abilities within Honduras. He also granted us farm social worker and future Ceiba caretaker David, who promised to work on improving the situation even after Nils and I leave.

He handed us a budget to form in two weeks, along with lingering questions about what costs our program plans to meet next year. He also granted us kind and patient Erin Lucia (accountant at the farm), who continues to work with us through each step.

He handed us news that due to vacation schedules, Nils and I would now prove solely responsible for the implementation of several important plans for our teens in our last days as their caretakers. He also granted us a visit from Amanda and Deirdre for the weekend, with their kind ears, caring hearts, and joyful laughter. Then he then gave us brownies just to make sure we would make it through.

God taught us a lesson this week. He heard our plea and answered fully. He granted us truly trying circumstances and just enough patience to face them all. He cared for us, and also allowed us to feel in our bones how important a patient heart truly is.
Hard times and trial will continue on the farm and wherever life takes us from here. We will remain human. We therefore must daily pray in a truly sincere manner that God will continue to bless our hearts with patience.

Teddy Wins! Teddy Wins! Teddy Wins!

While life at the finca is beautiful and grace filled, opportunities for frustration and exhaustion of body and mind are also readily available and present on a normal basis. Recently I was having a rather long day. Nothing was working out as I planned, as per usual. I decided to take a break. So I met Scott Satterlee for a coffee at a little coffee shop in downtown La Ceiba. He happened to have his laptop with him, and the café had wifi, so I took a moment to briefly check my email. I received an email saying I was tagged in a picture on facebook, so I logged in.


My simply amazing friend Marianne Zorio stood at the top of my news feed with news that would change my entire day around. First off, after a strenuous year of getting her RN at Mason in a post-bacc program she got a job as a nurse in Alexandria, so big congratulations to her. Second, the Nationals successfully finished the season with the best record in the league. Third, and most importantly, Teddy won the presidents race during the 4th inning stretch of their last home game of the regular season.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Nationals, every 4th inning stretch there is an epic race of giant bobble head versions of George Washington, Abe Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, and Teddy Roosevelt from the bull pen towards home plate. The Nationals came to DC when I was a junior in high school, I turn 25 in January, and Teddy has never won. Ever.

While many might have lost hope after a seven year dry spell, Teddy did not. Teddy raced ever game. And finally, he won. I was very excited for my friend Marianne’s new job, very excited for my baseball team’s great season, but in all honesty, I was most excited about Teddy’s win. It gave me a new energy and a renewed sense of hope for the day.

I now simply say thank you and congratulations to my amazing friend Marianne and my favorite Nationals bobble head Teddy, for brightening my day and granting me hope during a time of frustration.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvJfIV6nK9s

Editors Note: I do realize the fact that the race is highly rigged, it simply is beside the point in this situation :)

Denise was right, Welcome to the world Elias!

Two and a half years ago I got a phone call form Katherine King, a member of the board of directors of the Farm, offering me a position as a volunteer at the finca. I still remembering silencing her call in class and then calling back casually as I walked into my room in Lyons hall at Notre Dame. I was sure it was a rejection, and was ready to accept an offer with the Holy Cross Program in Chile. Then she turned my world upside down and told me I had been accepted.


I could not believe it. I got in to the program of my dreams, it couldn´t be. Being myself I immediately looked for my friends, they could help me process this and figure out what to do. Everyone, and I wish I was exaggerating, was in class, not around, and or not answering their phones. So I went to my dorm´s rectress and confidant of 4 years Denise.

I told her my perplexing situation. I knew I loved the farm, but I also knew it would be a challenge, as would Chile. I simply wanted someone else to make this grand decision for me. Denise, in true form, sat me down in her room. She told me that from what she had heard, I had two great options. She said that Chile would be like breaking my leg. It would be very trying, but I would grow a lot. She then said that the finca would be like giving birth to a child. That it would test me even more than I could imagine, but in the end, there would personal growth as grand and beautiful as a baby. She then told me I had to choose on my own.

I remember walking to the grotto perplexed. Then after calming down a bit having the clearest thought, I didn´t want to break my leg, I wanted the baby! I had already weighed the pros and cons of both programs, but I finally knew in my heart. I walked back to my dorm, knocked on Denise´s door and informed her (much to the confusion of a freshman sitting on her couch) that I wanted the baby. She said great, call them back, so I did, and here I am in Honduras two years later.

On October 5, 2012 Denise´s analogy took on a whole new level of meaning. Fellow volunteers Rachel and Jacob Hurst came down with me and their three adorable boys Jonah, Isaac, and Ruben in October of 2010. On October 5, 2012 their fourth son Elias was born right down the street form my apartment in the city of La Ceiba. Nils and I hung out with Rachel in the week leading up to the date, ready at any moment to do whatever she and baby Elias needed. Then on the day of we watched their three boys as Jacob went with Rachel to the hospital. We got the phone call at 6 pm, and got to tell the boys they had a new baby brother.

The next day we got to visit Rachel and baby Elias. He is simply the cutest little infant you could imagine. My heart filed with joy as I watch Jacob tickle his tiny feet, while Rachel held him with such love. I could not help but think of Denise, and how grateful I was to have had the opportunity to share in not only this moment with Elias, but all the moments of the past two years. The child birth like road over the past two years has proven tiring, but in the end the graces are proving undeniably amazing.

I simply wish to say thank you to Denise for giving me the push I needed to make the choice I knew was right in my heart, and welcome to the world Elias Hurst, it is a pleasure to meet you at last!

Finca Prayer Novena Part 3 of 10- A Meek Heart

This is the second of my reflections on the different lines of the finca prayer, a prayer we recite daily here at the farm. To see the idea behind this series of reflections please see this previous blog (http://mkatthefinca.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-finca-prayer-novena-part-1-of-10.html).

"a meek heart that bears with everyone"

Oxford American Dictionary, kindle edition, defines meek as- quiet, gentle, and easily imposed upon, submissive. If you read further it tells you that its middle English origin is –courteous.

The finca prayer is not asking for a submissive heart. In no way. It is asking for a courteous heart that not only bears with all, but rather recognizes the divine presence in each person they encounter. Then in respect, love and awe of this divine presence treats them in a deep seeded and purely courteous nature. This is what the finca prayer asks for our hearts.

Treating both out neighbors and our enemies with love may appear a basic Christian principle to follow. I assure you, a meek heart that bears with all is a specific intention essential to life at the farm.

When:
• Hormonal teens find refuge in refusing to acknowledge your existence and blaming you for all the wrong in the world
• Your gringa status proves the comical relief and reasoning for many outside your own home to treat you like a joke.
• The men on the streets believe it is their right to belittle you with crude words and comments based on what their machismo ruled society has taught them
All before 9 AM, most days, you learn quickly how important a meek heart truly is.

A meek heart that bears with all is a means of asking God to help us reach new levels of grace in our daily interactions.

We ask God to allow us to never loose perspective and remain ever focused on the divine present in all. We further ask that we may in turn receive this divine presence in a courteous manner no matter whom we encounter and how they treat us.

At the finca we bear with all by necessity everyday. Our prayer is that we may meekly do so not out of necessity but rather out of love. Always remembering Thomas Merton´s wise words, that the desire to please God does indeed please him, we walk forward with the desire to meekly bear with whomever we encounter in the road ahead.

Welcome Newbies!

On September 28, 2012 we had 5 very special guests stay at the apartments, the new volunteer missionaries of the finca (lovingly know in our community as newbies)! We welcomed Kevin, Kiddissa, Emily, Katherine, and Laura with spaghetti dinner and coca cola, it was very fancy.


During the weekend we got to hang out with them, help them find whatever they needed for the farm, answer questions, and get to know them just a little before they headed out for their grand arrival at the farm. It was simply a pleasure to hear their questions and learn about how they ended up at the farm.

They are currently shadowing jobs and beginning their training on the farm. Please keep them in your prayers as they begin to make the finca their new home.

Finca Prayer Novena Part 2 of 10- A Humble Heart

This is the first of my reflections on the different lines of the finca prayer, a prayer we recite daily here at the farm. To see the idea behind this series of reflections please see this previous blog (http://mkatthefinca.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-finca-prayer-novena-part-1-of-10.html).

“a humble heart free of the desire of being esteemed”

Life is humbling. Life in Honduras is extremely humbling.

In my life in the states when it was hot, I turned on the air conditioning. When it was cold I turned on the heat. When it rained, advanced plumbing drained the water away. In Honduras the heat can suck all the energy out of even the most energetic people. Relative cold times leave many without means chilled and ill. Rain falls and sits until the sun dries it up or rivers find new space to wipe it away. Rivers care not if you require the use of a road in its path, you simply must wait.

Nature humbles me daily in Honduras.

In the states people think a lot about five year plans, retirement funds, degrees, and career goals. In Honduras people think a lot about getting food to feed their children lunch, finding work to support their family, and making sure their loved ones all have a roof to sleep under at night. The future and security blankets are still important, but todays needs are primary. I have never worried if there would be food on my plate or a roof over my head, ever. Despite this I find that I still worry far more about life than any Honduran I know.

The deep faith and present nature of Hondurans humbles my heart daily.

The children of the farm have all faced unimaginable circumstances, most before the age of seven. Yet they wake up every day with a sustained energy for living. They continue to walk along their life´s path incredibly managing to trust and love others in their own way, despite their pasts. Our teens live in a city of problems, where the odds are against them. Yet they wake every day and try their best to make an honest living of their life. Meanwhile I still struggle with trusting and loving fully, facing moments of hesitation daily; and my past does not even begin to approach what these children have faced.

The children and teens of the farm humble my heart daily.

Yet the finca prayer asks for more. The finca prayer asks for a more profound sense of humility. It asks God that beyond our humbling environment, neighbors, and finca family that we may have a heart so purely humble that we may be free of the mere desire of being esteemed. We ask to become humble instruments of God´s peace.

This is a truly profound prayer that goes against our very human nature. It calls us to focus on the divine, a call that we will struggle with throughout our entire lives.  We are further called to find a peace within this struggle. As Thomas Merton says, we are called to believe that the simple desire to please God does indeed please him and that as humans we can do no more.

We therefore seek to please God every day at the farm through means of a humble heart in constant service to the amazing children of the farm, and committed to the intentions of the finca's prayer.